Jagpal Singh is struggling between the ingrained and the imposed during the lockdown. In a country that records high numbers of brutality--physical, emotional and sexual--against women, Singh is a small slice of men who have been actively trained to break that cycle of abuse.
But now, as the world reports a surge in cases of violence against girls and women, Singh feels overwhelmed. “Never have I seen the change in me being challenged so openly. Men are not just turning against women, but also against men who try to reign them in," says Singh, a 46-year-old farmer and the father of two who lives in Nadigaon, a village in a block by the same name in the eastern UP district of Jalaun.
Singh is a community mentor under a programme called ‘Ek Saath’ (together) started in 18 districts of Uttar Pradesh in 2016 by Sahayog--an organisation working on gender equality and maternal health through community-based organisations. Boys and men between the ages of 18 to 60 years trained under the programme are labelled ‘samanta ke saathi’ (partners of equality). Training includes sessions on violence against women, masculinity and sexuality.
That veneer of equality imparted by the training has, however, begun to crack during the lockdown.
“Migrants returned to the village, frustrated at the loss of jobs and faced with economic ruin. Those of us trained to change mindsets in our villages are outnumbered. It took me years to internalise the belief that men and women are equal. Now, there are few who are willing to listen to me talk about that," Singh despairs.
Pravesh Verma, the convenor of the Ek Saath programme says that males who have been trained and re-conditioned for some years fare better under the pressures of the lockdown, as compared to later recruits.
“From the non-availability of alcohol to the inability to get a mobile phone recharged--anything can now push men into violence against girls and women,” says Verma.
According to the National Family Health Survey-4 (2015-16) (NFHS-4), three in 10 women in India in the 15-49 years age group have experienced physical violence since the age of 15. Roughly the same number of married women face physical, sexual or emotional violence by their spouses.
Sanjiv Kumar Tripathi (42), a farmer from Bawli village (Konch block, Jalaun district) says that changing himself in the initial rounds of training was difficult. “Men would say I was letting my wife be the man. They would mock me. Over the years, that changed into a grudging acceptance, then respect. Now, I am not sure it will last”, he says.
Tripathi says that change was particularly challenging because it was not normal. “That is not something we grew up with--not something we saw our fathers practise,” he says. Every time he does the dishes or chops vegetables to help with household chores, he says that he has to remind himself that it is the right thing to do.
Since Singh and Tripathi were trained, the monthly village-level meetings have made the issue of equality an ongoing discussion. “We do not just speak about it, but also circulate telephone numbers of group members. The message we had for the women was that if everything else fails, there are always legal options," Singh says. With the meetings discontinued and communication slower, there is a growing fear about what might be happening inside homes.
State helpline numbers, shelter homes, district probation officers--all manner of infrastructure and personnel charged with looking at violence against women--severely erratic at most times are even more challenged and compromised now.
Frontline health workers like ASHAs (Accredited Social Health Activists) and ANMs (Auxiliary Nurses and Midwives)--a vital first point of contact between girls and women to report violence--are now tasked with focusing their energies on COVID-19.
Mamta Rani, an ASHA Sangini (one who supervises ASHAs) at Lucknow’s Gosaiganj block says, “The situation is like boiling milk. You never know when it will spill over. I tell men to be patient, but it is difficult," she says. Rani who has been an ASHA since 2008 (before she became a supervisor in 2015) says that she has never experienced anything like the present.
“My ASHAs ask me for condoms. They say they have women begging for them but we don’t have any. I shudder to think how many women are being forced into sexual relations by their menfolk," she says. Rani bought some condoms and birth control pills at the start of the lockdown with her own money, but says that now she cannot afford any more.
"My own husband, though generally supportive of my work, gets angry with me at times," she says when asked if she has faced any violence since the lockdown started.
Sohini Bhattacharya, the CEO and President of Breakthrough India and USA, says that violence against women has been a long ignored pandemic that shall be exacerbated during the lockdown, especially as all manner of service providers (including the police) focus their energies on COVID-19.
“The only long-term solution is to have conversations with adolescent boys so they do not see violence against women as a normal behaviour and grow up to heightened sensitivity," she says.
Breakthrough is the organisation that launched a bystander intervention campaign called ‘Bell Bajao’ to stem domestic violence in 2008. Bhattacharya says that the campaign took three years to build community understanding that it was necessary and acceptable to call out violence in our neighbourhoods.
She holds that in these strained circumstances, such intervention can be one of the most potent steps to tackle violence. “It would also help if our prime minister were to make an appeal to shun violence. This could be used as a crucial point for long-term improvement in the infrastructure we have for dealing with violence against women," she offers.
Verma says that Zoom conferences on subjects such as helping with household chores and contributing to child rearing duties are being shared with partners. “Men are also burdened with what patriarchy expects of them. We are using whatever means we can think of to continue conversations about how to break that chain," he says.
For men like Singh and Tripathi, the lockdown is the clearest reflection of their real journeys of change. It is not a mirror they want to gaze at.
