It's not often I find myself having anything in common with Gwyneth Paltrow, but her comments about hitting your 40s were spot on, particularly her software upgrade analogy. It's true; whatever bugs and glitches were in 'your version 30s', are miraculously ironed out with version 40s. You run more smoothly, process everything much faster, and are far less prone to crashing.

I find it incredibly freeing to be in my 40s, especially as a mother. It has granted me a licence to stop needing other people's approval, to worry less, to be more confident and more self-aware in a good way. I've made it this far, I have conceived, birthed and raised a child. Some days things are rubbish, but ultimately, thanks to me, we are all still alive. I really can do this.

My 30s were a tough ride – I separated from my partner when I was 35, my son 6, and spent a good few years wanting and needing approval that I was actually doing OK.

But I had a good 40-something role model to show me the way. My best friend is five years older than me, and I'd noticed a change in her at 40 – she blossomed. I clearly remember her telling me that her 20s had been about fun, her 30s about having her three babies, and her 40s were going to be for her.  Obviously she was still a mother with young kids, but she was determined to seize her life back. And she did – re-training and establishing herself in a new career. She was an inspiration, and seeing her make the transition from just being 'mum' to being professional, in-control businesswoman 'mum' helped take any doubts about getting older away.

My son was 11 when I celebrated my 40th birthday and thought I had suddenly, over night, become ancient, noting even at his young age that grown up's made an awfully big fuss about this particular number, probably because for every card which claimed 'life begins', there was another declaring 'it's all downhill from here'.

But as I settled into 'being 40' among my mainly younger mummy peers, I felt a bit like I did when I hit 13 before a lot of my classmates. Back then I was quick to vocalise my 'you'll understand when you're a teenager' smugness to my still 12-year-old pals, but at 40, I simply observed all the younger school-gate mums with a wry smile, comfortable in the knowledge that one day, none of the school-run angst, competitiveness and contrived 'yummy mummy' parenting would matter any more. Forty made me realise that motherhood is about survival rather than who provides the most organic lunch-box or manages to turn out every morning with a glossy blow-dry and in head-to-toe Boden.

I'm 43 this year and remain confident and comfortable with my age. It continues to give me the power not to sweat the small stuff. If someone doesn't like me, or doesn't approve of the way I live my life, I really couldn't care less. A decade ago I'd have agonised over it and changed to fit in.  Not any more. Me v.40 really was the ultimate upgrade.